**Advice to a foreigner about to visit......England

DON'T ask whether a typical Englishman wears a bowler and carries a rolled-up umbrella, because you will get funny looks.

DON'T tell an Englishman that his beer is too warm, and that it is much better where you come from, because his pride will be hurt.

DON'T say that cricket is a boring game, impossible to understand and a waste of time to play, because it is THE English game.

DON'T tell him that English people are pale, because he is sick of hearing that from foreigners.

DON'T tell him that driving on the left hand side of the road is very strange, because he thinks that is a challenge to his nation's independence.

DON'T' tell him that you speak seven languages fluently, because it will make him feel rather inferior.

DON'T tell him, it always rains in England, because that will make him very annoyed - it isn't true.

DON'T tell him that the English have no sense of humour, because it is the only criticism an Englishman cannot tolerate.

　

DO tell an Englishman what a lovely house and garden he has, because an Englishman's home is his castle.

DO tell him how much you like Yorkshire pudding, because he will I think that foreigners do appreciate English cooking after all.

DO tell him you watch English television programmes at home, because he will then feel proud of his nation's position in the world.

DO ask him to show you a castle or a church, because then he can point out that his country has more history than yours.

DO try and buy fish and chips, because standing in the queue can be a strange experience - and so can the fish and chips.

DO tell him how much you prefer the English way of life to the American, because he feels superior to mere 'colonials'. DO take a raincoat with you, because no matter what the English say it does rain occasionally.

DO try to watch at least one cricket match, because you will then understand what being English means.

**TYPICAL ENGLISH ITALIAN FRENCH !!!

This is Mr. BRITAlN. His name is John. He eats bacon and. eggs, roast beef and Yorkshire puddings . He drinks tea and Scottish whisky. He is Iily-white and he has a stiff upper lip. He wears a bowler hat and carries a briefcase, an umbrella and a copy of The Times. He loves sport and animals, particularly dogs and horses. He plays cricket, rugby and croquet on the lawn. He goes to public schools like Eton and he lives in a thatched cottage which is very old, in the south of England. His wife has a "peaches and cream" complexion and she is an "English

　

Rose" . He exports the English language, the British way of life, the British point of view, ROYALTY, the best footballers in the world, Shetland pullovers, tweeds, hunting. shooting, fishing and Ford cars. He is noble, polite, civilised, fair, diplomatic, class conscious, imperialistic, nostalgic for past glories and superior. He stands in queues but HE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

　

This is Mr. ITALY. His name is Giovanni. He eats spaghetti and ice cream. He has fifteen children and his mother is the boss of his family. He has 2,563 relations who live in America. He wears tight trousers and carries a handbag. He is a member of the Mafia and he is a Catholic. He loves fast cars, titles, "la dolce-vita" and English girls. He is a "bum-pincher". He is charming, emotional, temperamental and political, a good talker, a liar and a swindler, but he is hospitable and generous.

　

This is Mr. FRANCE. His name is Caston. He eats frogs' Iegs, snails and garlic. He wears a beret and a striped tee-shirt. He rides a bike and sells onions. He has a black moustache and smokes Gauloises or Gitanes. He likes good food, women and wine. He always has a mistress and thinks he is the best lover in the world. He is cultured, anarchistic, intellectual, arrogant, class-conscious, subtle, and avant-garde.